”Soldier, Soldier…”

People: “Jobs creation at 5-year low!”
Govt: “How can you even think of jobs when soldiers have to do their job in minus 40 degrees?!”

People: “Justice for Rohit Vemula!”

Govt: “Aren’t you ashamed?! Think of the soldiers at the border!”

People: “Cooked up GDP figures!”

Govt: “GDP is all you can think of? You think soldiers at the border think of GDP?!”

People: “Jobs creation at 5-year low!”

Govt: “How can you even think of jobs when soldiers have to do their job in minus 40 degrees?!”

People: “Okay then soldie..”

Govt: “Chupp! National security! Top secret!”

People: “But Pathanko..”

Govt: “Doval saar’s masterpiece! National Security! Ban NDTV! How can you question the Army?!”

People: “Ok but why is Doval saar still in charge after making a dog’s meal out of Pathankot?”

Govt: “Where were you during IPKF?! Can you show a single Tweet questioning Nehru after fucking up the war in ’62?!

People: “But Twitter didn’t..”

Govt: “Yes exactly! Nehru’s fault!

People: “Ok fine, but Doval’s doctrine fucked up J&K!”

Govt: “Soldiers just standing at the border all day long humming tunes from Border & you are talking about fucking!”

People: “Ok fine, leave it. These ATM queues..”

Govt: “Shameless unpatriotic person! Soldiers just standing at the border all day long humming tunes from Border & you really are complaining about ATM queues?!”

People: “But..”

Govt: “Soldier, soldier!”

People: “Yes, agreed but..”

Govt: “Soldier, soldier!”

People: “The IAF AN-32 that went missing with 29 soldiers..”

Govt: “UNESCO has selected IAF in their World Heritage list! Thank goodness, Modiji invented UNESCO in 2014..”

People: “But..”

Govt: “Soldier, soldier!”

Soldier Sartaj, IAF: “They killed my father”.

Govt: “Cow!”

Soldier Sartaj: “But anyway. thanks for approving a flag-draped funeral. Dad would be happy wherever he is“.

Govt: “Abey, flag-draped funeral is not for your dad, sucker. Its for the brave Gaurakshak who defended the freedom and honour of the nation by lynching your dad.”

Soldier Tej Bahadur Yadav, BSF: “Modiji, look! How awful our meal rations are! Help!”

Govt: “Loose character! Indisciplined! Alcoholic! Security Risk! How dare a mere soldier speak up like this! What does he think soldiers are, haan?! Anyway, court-martial and transfer to Kasargod ASAP!”

People: “But soldiers’ meal rations..”

Govt: “Tu sala Pakistani hain kya?! Soldiers just standing at the border all day long humming tunes from Border & you are really thinking of food? Like you’re fucking serious?!”

Meanwhile in some Pakistani prison…

Soldier Chandu Chauhan: “..ki ghar kab aaoge, ki ghar kab aaoge, likho kab aaoge..”